holmes_minor | Poetry: the ABCs of Ghoulish (Untold) Glee: Gen

Title: the ABCs of Ghoulish (Untold) Glee
Rating: Gen
Length 445
Notes: abecedarian, references the Untold cases, in the style of Edward Gorey's Gashlycrumb Tinies and other works.

A is for Abernettys who peddled gutter-soup,
the family recipe be-spoilt by herb-in-butter droop.

B is for British barrow and the horrors it contained:
an ancient curse preserved in verse; a corpse intact, de-veined.

C is for Crosby, banker drained by repulsive leech.
“Stop! That sucker’s my aunt!” ‘twas his last beseech.

D is for Dundas, who threw teeth at the missus,
just ‘cause there ‘weren’t no bite in ‘em kisses.’

E is for Etheredge, the incorrigible ‘Wolf!’ crier
who went out for a smoke and came back on fire.

F for Farintosh who lost her tiara
trading her jewels for the Devil’s chimaera.

G is for Grice Pattersons on the island of Uffa
breeding dogs with sheep to much sorrow and ‘Woof-ba!’

H is for Huret, that bane of French streets,
wrung to death by a char with the week’s dirty sheets.

I is for Isidora, he of maddening worm,
whose spoon-bait for jack made all the docs squirm.

J is for James, Saunders and Phillimore
the latter met former when a skin umbrella tore.

K is for King, the one in Scandinavia;
whose favourite butter-knife was found underground in Belgravia.

L is for Lizard, that Monstrous Gila,
who took her act on the road as ‘la belle Fork-Tongued Lila.’

M is for Merridew of Abominable Memory
forgot he wasn’t dead, nor kings Richard or Henry.

N is for Netherland-Sumatra Co.
that paid interest in feet, dividend in toe

O is for Old Baron Dowson
who raised vampire bats by the hundred and thousand

P for Politician who trained the clever cormorant,
but expired at a recital of Shelley’s ‘Sensitive Plant’

Q is for Queen whose knighthood was refused
for a slight ‘bout Watson’s kite that could not be excused.

R is for Railway Porter who had a rare habit
of petting his uniform and wearing his rabbit

S is for Sultan, the one of Turkey
pressed ‘tween bread, twixt cheese off ‘n’ ‘cress murky.

T is for Tankerville, where the club’s fraught with scandal
of a card-cheating Pope and his short Roman candle.

U is for Unfortunate, like that Madame Monpensier,
whose strings got yanked by an incensed puppeteer.

V is for Van, like the one in Grosvenor Square,
chocked full of legs, but not one table or chair.

W is for Wilson, he who trained poor canaries
that sang off-tune hymns and the odd ‘Aviary Mary’s.

X is for ex-Presidente Murillo
whose papers were hidden in bone-crafted bureau.

Y is for Young Perkins, killed in a bar
who choked on a joke that didn’t get very far.

Z is for Zu Grafenstein, Count Von und
saved from a Nihilist to die hot-cross-bunned.