Fic: Upstairs, downstairs: Gen
Jan. 4th, 2018 11:42 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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holmes_minorLength: 500
Rating: Gen
Notes: Holmes, Watson, Mrs. Hudson, and Bessie the Housemaid.
Summary: When upstairs and downstairs switch places, everyone learns a little something.
Author’s Note: for the January prompt. Case plot points from Agatha Christie's "The Tape-Measure Murder."
Mrs. Hudson peered into her glass, then cast her eyes above and said,
“Vermin.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Bessie. “The doctor’s charming, and that bonnet he gave me for Christmas is just about the smartest thing I’ve ever had on my head—or in it!”
“It is lovely, and the doctor does have his merits, including a keen eye for ladies’ fashion, but I was referring to smaller vermin. Mrs. Beeton was quite correct in beginning ‘As with the Commander of an Army,” but the enemy, my dear, are the blackbeetles, fleas, crickets—”
“Mice, bedbugs, cockroaches.”
“—and you and I seem to be the whole of the fighting forces!”
The front door opened, then closed. Muddy boots pounded on stairs.
“They’ll want tea,” said Bessie wearily.
“And never know how it gets made,” said Mrs. Hudson. “I have an idea. Would you like to live upstairs for a day, Bessie?”
She laughed. “What would we do up there?”
“What do they do?”
“And who’d be down here? Them!” She snorted.
Mrs. Hudson looked thoughtful. “Doctor Watson is a gambling man.”
“But Mister Holmes?”
“Is a Watson-ing man. It’ll be an experiment.”
“Gosh, am I to set the curtains afire, ma’am?” asked Bessie as the bell rang.
---
“Holmes.”
“Watson.”
“The scouring, the scrubbing, the polishing.”
“The dust, the soot, the grime.”
“The war.”
“The battles. Skirmishes, really. Constant.”
“Did you know about scattering the damp tea leaves—?”
“I know nothing about anything, Watson, save that I am as tired and worn as if I had gone a day’s worth of rounds in the ring with ol’ McMurdo, and lost. A most edifying experience.”
“I shan’t ever say a cross word to our landlady or those dear girls again. Do you think Bessie would like some hair ribbons to match the bonnet?”
“I think I should like a drink.”
“There’s the gin.”
The front door opened, then closed. Muddy boots pounded on stairs.
“Oh, they’re not going to—" said Watson.
RING!
“At this hour!”
“Come on, Watson. As Mrs. Beeton says—”
“Oh, Mrs. Beeton can—"
---
“Those are our clothes!” cried Watson. “When did you—!”
“I quite like ‘em,” said Bessie, striding purposefully back and forth in trousers.
“Indeed,” said Mrs. Hudson as she removed her earflap hat and Inverness cloak. “Detective Inspector Lestrade sends his regards.”
“Lestrade! You went to the Yard!”
“No, of course, not,” said Bessie.
“Of course not,” said Holmes.
“We went to the scene of the crime,” said Mrs. Hudson.
“And solved the case! Dressmaker did it. Strangled her with her tape-measure.” Bessie made a pulling motion.
“Said she hadn’t been there, but,” Mrs. Hudson looked at Bessie, “dressmaker’s pins were on the floor.”
“A pin ain’t just a pin, Mister Holmes,” said Bessie.
“You win, Mrs. Hudson,” said Holmes, humbly. “Now when may we—"
“After tea,” said Bessie, propping her feet up.
“And a smoke,” added Mrs. Hudson as she clamped the stem of the briar-root between her teeth.
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no subject
Date: 2018-01-05 05:28 am (UTC)I particularly like Mrs H being and Bessie being quite taken with the garments:-)
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Date: 2018-01-05 02:16 pm (UTC)Yes, I imagine it was quite freeing to have use of one's legs! And I think Mrs. Hudson would look splendid in the deerstalker.
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Date: 2018-01-05 06:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-01-05 02:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-01-05 05:19 pm (UTC)And particularly: “Gosh, am I to set the curtains afire, ma’am?” asked Bessie
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Date: 2018-01-05 05:31 pm (UTC)Bessie's definition of experiment is a bit narrow.
no subject
Date: 2018-01-06 02:06 pm (UTC)A wonderful idea and so well and amusingly executed. My favourite bits:
"...the doctor does have his merits, including a keen eye for ladies’ fashion..."
Mrs. Hudson looked thoughtful. “Doctor Watson is a gambling man.” “But Mister Holmes?” “Is a Watson-ing man. It’ll be an experiment.”
“Did you know about scattering the damp tea leaves—?” “I know nothing about anything, Watson, save that I am as tired and worn as if I had gone a day’s worth of rounds in the ring with ol’ McMurdo, and lost. A most edifying experience.”
“Oh, they’re not going to—" said Watson. RING! “At this hour!” “Come on, Watson. As Mrs. Beeton says—” “Oh, Mrs. Beeton can—" ^______^
“You win, Mrs. Hudson,” said Holmes, humbly. “Now when may we—" “After tea,” said Bessie, propping her feet up. “And a smoke,” added Mrs. Hudson as she clamped the stem of the briar-root between her teeth.
no subject
Date: 2018-01-16 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-01-16 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-03 07:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-03 08:09 pm (UTC)