Fic: Additional Charges: G

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Title: Additional Charges
Form/Wordcount: 471
Characters/Pairings:  Mrs Hudson, mention of Mr Holmes, Dr Watson, Insp Lestrade, Insp Hopkins
Rating: G
Warnings/Content: Mrs Hudson is outling the additional charges to Mr Holmes' rent this month
Author’s Notes: A Broom Cupboard fic.
With thanks to gardnerhill for The Red Circle: Location Scouts and scfrankles for Canon Discussion: The Mazarin Stone for providing the inspiration.


Dear Mr Holmes,

Please find hereunder reasons for the additional charges included in your revised bill for this month’s rent:

Item:  Temporary loss of friendship with Mrs Warren.  It took a good deal of tea to persuade her I could in no way have known how my lodgers would treat her box room when they rented it.  It took an even greater amount of gin for her to recover from said treatment.

Item: Hiring out of my, MY broom cupboard.  There is a clause in your lease which expressly forbids sub-leasing.  Since you were not renting the broom cupboard, I have added a charge for one year’s rent of the broom cupboard, payable in advance.  At the end of the year, I shall include broom cupboard rent in a similar fashion to the rent for the lumber room.  And before you mention it again, I shall continue to charge for cleaning the lumber room, even though it is impossible to enter it.

Item: My share in the hire charge.  This is only an estimate, please let me know the exact figures.  When Inspector Gregson paid me for his latest visit I checked with him as to how much the agreed rate had been.  I am working on the assumption of a flat rate per visit.  I believe one-third of the hire charge is reasonable, given the aggravation this has caused me.

Item: Charge for time taken due to upset to housemaid.  Inspector Gregson and the nice Pinkerton agent Leverton have always been extremely polite and considerate, and, since we are unlikely to avoid the constant arrival and departure of police officers, are welcome to return.  Count Silvius, on the other hand, was extremely rude to both myself and the maid, who needed consoling with several cups of tea.  (I did not permit her to sample the gin; I had need of that myself.)  Inspector Youghal did not seem too bad, but one does tend to judge a man on the company he keeps.

Item:  Hurt feelings caused due to your exclamation of “Good God, woman, your charges are ridiculous!” when presented with your bill.  Dr Watson is not being charged for this, since he merely swallowed and said, “Oh!” rather quietly.

I would remind you again, since Mrs Warren has terminated your lease on her box room, the broom cupboard is for use in storing brooms, mops, buckets and other items of a similar nature.  It is not for storing detective inspectors.  Nor is it a suitable place for playing Hide and Seek, as Inspector Hopkins told me, when I found him there.  I have already asked Dr Watson to tell Inspector Lestrade the broom cupboard is no place for playing Sardines.

I believe this should resolve your present difficulties and look forward to prompt payment.

Yours sincerely

M Hudson (Mrs)

Comments

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Very amusing. I hope that Mrs. Hudson took a well deserved holiday with her new income.

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

I believe she is tempted to do so, but worried what might happen in her absence.

[gardnerhill.livejournal.com]

A holiday? Mrs Hudson will be able to retire on her savings if Holmes and Watson and Scotland Yard keeps this up.

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

I gather that it is her intention to do so as soon as possible.

[laurose8.livejournal.com]

Thanks for an enjoyable fic. Love he merely swallowed and said, “Oh!” rather quietly.

After all, that indoor pistol practice is undue wear and tear, and carpenters never have been cheap. I hope the housemaid got a handsome salary increase out of this.

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Mrs Hudson would most certainly agree that maintaining Mr Holmes is an expensive occupation.

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

Crikey, you were quick off the mark. Anyone would think you'd had advance knowledge of the prompt or something :P

Oh, dear heaven - hiring out the broom cupboard... ^^ Some favourite lines:

Temporary loss of friendship with Mrs Warren. (I just love the phrase ^^)
...I shall continue to charge for cleaning the lumber room, even though it is impossible to enter it.
Inspector Youghal did not seem too bad, but one does tend to judge a man on the company he keeps.
I would remind you again, since Mrs Warren has terminated your lease on her box room, the broom cupboard is for use in storing brooms, mops, buckets and other items of a similar nature. It is not for storing detective inspectors.

Excellent stuff, madam ^__^

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Strange that - although, to be fair, I didn't start writing until after you posted the prompt. It was, however, a plot bunny already waiting to break forth, for which I'd saved the references to REDC and MAZA. Other than that, I took advantage of a free morning.

I'm delighted you liked those lines - they were some of my favourites.

And thank you!

[debriswoman]

Entirely reasonable, Mrs H:-)

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Holmes may disagree, but he won't get anywhere.