Admin Post: The Poetry Page: Social Distancing with Mrs. Hudson

[scfrankles]

Welcome, everyone!

As you know, I have recently become interested in filling in the gaps in my family tree and I managed to discover that my great-great-great-grandfather came from a little village on the Isle of Mull. Thank you all for agreeing to accompany me on the lengthy journey to his birthplace in the near future and for attending this planning meeting today!

Now, travelling from Baker Street to the Inner Hebrides is no mean feat, and plotting the railway connections using our familiar Bradshaw’s Guides is a task for the keenest brain! But unfortunately Mrs. Small-Hobbit was otherwise engaged when I needed to assign the job, so I asked Mrs. Frankles if she wouldn’t mind taking a crack at it.

How are you doing, dear? You’ve got us out of the Home Counties? Oh, almost. Well, I’m sure you’ll get there, dear. How long have you been at it now?

Five and a half days. I see. Well, we’ll come back to that.

Mrs. Small-Hobbit, there is a… delicate matter that I need to discuss with you. I’m not a superstitious woman, but I can’t help but notice you have a certain effect on the trains when we travel by rail and so I was wondering—

Heavens, of course I’m not suggesting you stay behind! I was simply going to suggest that you give us a fighting chance and consent to be driven up to Scotland in a private automobile. At my expense naturally.

What’s that, Mrs. Frankles? Why, yes… I suppose it might make more sense for us to pool our resources and book a larger vehicle and drive up together. We could stop along the way and make a proper journey out of it. Excellent idea! Let’s do that!

Mrs. Frankles! I really don’t feel there’s any need to hurl my Bradshaw into the waste paper bin though.


Perhaps we should move on to composing some poetry to soothe all our nerves. To assist with inspiration, here is a quotation from Dr. Watson’s work, “The Valley of Fear”. (Mrs. Frankles, you are not to throw my copy of the Valley of Fear in the waste paper bin either! I know. Dear God, we all know. But Doctor Watson very kindly signed it for me and I am somewhat attached to it.)

“Our search is narrowed down to standardized books which anyone may be supposed to possess.”

“Bradshaw!”

“There are difficulties, Watson. The vocabulary of Bradshaw is nervous and terse, but limited. The selection of words would hardly lend itself to the sending of general messages. We will eliminate Bradshaw.”



And here as always is the list of poetry forms:

221B verselet, abecedarian poetry, acrostic poetry, alexandrine, ballad, barzelletta, beeswing, blackout poetry, blitz poem, blues stanza, bref double, Burns stanza, call and response, chastushka, cherita, cinquain, circular poetry, clerihew, clogyrnach, colour poems, compound word verse, concrete poetry, Cornish verse, curtal sonnet, débat, décima, descort, diamante, doggerel, double dactyl, echo verse, ekphrasis, elegiac couplet, elegiac stanza, elfje, englyn, enuig, epigram, epistle, epitaph, epulaeryu, Etheree, fable, Fib, florette, found poetry, free verse, ghazal, haiku, hay(na)ku, In Memoriam stanza, Italian sonnet, jueju, kennings poem, lanturne, lies, limerick, line messaging, list poem, lyric poetry, mathnawī, micropoetry, mini-monoverse, musette, nonsense verse, palindrome poetry, pantoum, Parallelismus Membrorum, poem cycle, puente, quatern, quintilla, renga, rhyming alliterisen, riddle, rimas dissolutas, rime couée, rispetto, Schüttelreim, sedoka, septet, sestina, shadorma, sonnet, stream of consciousness, tanka, tercet, terza rima, tongue twister poetry, triangular triplet, tricube, trine, triolet, Tyburn, villanelle, xenolith

And so, let’s get on track and let off some steam! (In written form, thank you, Mrs. Frankles.)

Comments

[smallhobbit]

The language of Bradshaw is nervous and terse
But for the traveller it's generally worse
As the train just departed is where we should be
And the next train won't arrive until quarter past three

The language of Bradshaw is limited we know
But is broadened immediately at the latest blow
That the quarter past three train should arrive now at seven
Which means we won't get home until almost half past eleven

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Nice! You sound like you speak from experience....:)

[smallhobbit]

A slight exaggeration, but the sentiment is there!

The haunted Bradshaw (Holmes is a vampire AU)

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

“We have a spot of bother,” said the Yarder to the sleuth,
“and we’d be much obliged, if you could ferret out the truth.”
Detective eyed his pipe, both undead in all their glory.
Former lit the latter, saying, “Tell me the whole story.”
“It has to do with trains, sir. There’s an awful lot that’s rum;
one mad, two dead, and pardon me, I ‘spect there’s more to come.”

“The first was a young girl—though no one knew it at the time—
the lass was found a-babbling—tragic but not a crime.
Twixt Swindon ‘n’ Wootten Bassett, they found her on the track,
looked like poor thing was struck mad by a fit or an attack.
Twas’ traveling alone to visit Gran, we understand,
but see here, she’d a page of Bradshaw clutched in her dear hand.”

“Off the London to Bristol of the Great Western Main Line,
one morning, they found her, about three-quarters past the nine.
She can’t tell us nothing. The miss hasn’t yet recovered.
The only clue we’ve got is the Bradshaw sheaf discovered.
For the page she gripped corresponded to her trip, you see,
and we want to know what upset the chit’s itiner’y.”

“The next was murder, simple, plain. A man near Audley End
was found with a railroad spike sunk at a heart-stopping bend
in his chest. At Bartlow, he’d boarded the Great Eastern train,
and made it to Saffron Walden, then joined the Great Refrain,
(between 4:40 and 4:46, we can be sure)
with torn Bradshaw page, metaphorically, nailed to death’s door.”

“The Great Northern hasn’t escaped doling out fatal fate.
A boots was sawed in half near Potter’s Bar, fixed on his pate
was page 188 of Bradshaw. The tears along the side
of the sheet match—like teeth—to another leaf of the guide,
the one found at Audley End. Now, Mister Holmes, please advise—"
But the reply was cut short by an unwelcome surprise.

“The Bradshaw killer’s struck again! This time it’s in New Clee!”
“That’s very far from London,” said the nightwalker. “Let me.”
With a touch of the sleeve, the two were carried to the scene,
And the sleuth went to work, cataloging fine, gross, and mean,
deducing and concluding, arriving at a neat gist,
“Inspector, there’s a murderous timetable in our midst!”

They followed the Bradshaw’s taint, like a trail of creosote,
sleuth leading, leaping, like a supernatural mountain goat,
until Hipperholme, on the Lancashire and Yorkshire Main,
too late to spare a widow from garroting by down-train,
but not too late to seize a phantom Information Booth,
and the demon guide therein and arrive at the dark truth.

The thing resented freedom, questions, travel, liberty,
But what it hated most was railway punctuality.
Holmes exorcised the damaged book, swallowed the demon raw
like an egg undercooked, it slippered down his vampire maw.
Holmes kept the ghoul-less guide as a piece for reminiscing—
should anyone dare to ask why five pages are missing!

Re: The haunted Bradshaw (Holmes is a vampire AU)

[scfrankles]

The thing resented freedom, questions, travel, liberty,/ But what it hated most was railway punctuality./ Holmes exorcised the damaged book... Do you think we need to exorcise Small Hobbit? ^___^

This is amazing ^___^ A great story, energetically told, and Bradshaws being possessed makes so much sense ^___^ And I'm very fond of the lines: Detective eyed his pipe, both undead in all their glory./ Former lit the latter, saying, “Tell me the whole story.”

Re: The haunted Bradshaw (Holmes is a vampire AU)

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Hahaha...I wouldn't fancy trying to exorcise our friend. But I am certain she wouldn't mind a bit of magic when she climbs aboard!

Thank you, thank you.