stonepicnicking_okapi: Sherlock Holmes (holmes)
[personal profile] stonepicnicking_okapi posting in [community profile] holmes_minor
Title: ....Doesn't Mean You Don't Need One.
Rating: Gen
Length: 100
Notes: Supernatural AU; Vampire!Holmes; Inspired by these lines from the poem "Vines" by Kaveh Akbar: fat wet vines creep through onto my / floors in the pipes and through / the walls gentle as blue flames they curl / my living there is ice in my attic sugar on my / tile I am present and useless like a nose torn / from a face and set in a bowl.


“Who are you?!”

“Escott. Plumber.”

“Nobody called for a plumber!”

“Doesn’t mean you don’t need one.”

“AARGH!”

A screaming housemaid burst in the living room followed by torrents of fat wet vines in rapid, murderous pursuit.

Holmes spoke an oath, wrapped the vines in a large coil, and pulled.

When it was over, he released me from my imprisonment in the music box on the mantelpiece and left the torn nose of the monster in the butter dish atop sunken parsley.

The Abernettys were too stunned to notice the plumber’s lack of reflection in the mirror as we took leave.

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