Fic: Agony Sloth's Column, Marylebone Monthly Illustrated

[smallhobbit]

Title: Agony Sloth's Column, Marylebone Monthly Illustrated
Form/Word Count: 262
Characters/Pairing:  The Sloth, sub-editor of the MMI
Rating: G
Warning/Content: All sorts of questions are sent to Agony Sloth.  Here is the latest column.

 

I have been offered a job at an extremely good rate, but with one rather strange condition.  Should I take it? V

Dear V, on no account consider taking this position.  It Will Not End Well

 

It has been suggested I take a sea voyage for my health.  Would you recommend it? M

Dear M, if your health would be improved by escaping justice in this country, your voyage may come to an untimely end.

 

Will she love me tomorrow? F

Dear Ferret, if past examples are anything to go by, probably not.

 

Is there a fool proof way of ensuring waistcoat seams don’t split? M & A

Dear Mouselet and Aemelia, see the above answer.

 

How do you solve a problem like Maria? N

Dear Nuns, you have written to the wrong publication.

 

I have been asked to look after a valuable piece of jewellery.  Is it best to take it home and keep it in my bedroom? H

Dear H, you have a perfectly good safe at your place of business.  We recommend you make use of it.

 

Is suffocation by tea cosy legal? M

Dear M, the question arises as to whether it was accidental or a deliberate act.  In that the holes for the spout and handle would need to be sewn up this could be taken as being planned and therefore we would advise against it. 

 

There may have been a small misunderstanding with my landlady.  How would you recommend I proceed? SH

Unless you wish to undertake suffocation by tea cosy, gin is the best answer.

 

Comments

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Ha, ha! I love them all. I especially like the idea of an Agony Sloth! And the repetition of the Ferret answer is hilarious.

[smallhobbit]

Thank you - I'm delighted you liked Agony Sloth. And I'm very pleased you liked the Ferret answer.

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Perhaps a certain I. Q. will submit a problem.

[smallhobbit]

It would be delightful if he did.

[scfrankles]

Agony Sloth seems to really know his stuff ^___^

Particularly taken with Will she love me tomorrow? F Dear Ferret, if past examples are anything to go by, probably not and How do you solve a problem like Maria? N Dear Nuns, you have written to the wrong publication. ^_____^

[smallhobbit]

He's had plenty of practice.

Thank you - those were fun to write!

[debriswoman]

Excellent:-)

[smallhobbit]

Thank you very much.

[capt_facepalm]

Delightful!

[smallhobbit]

Thank you :)