Fic: de Nile: Gen

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Title: de Nile
Rating: Gen
Length: 500
Content Notes/Warnings: Holmes/Watson; cliches; mention of snakes
Summary: Egypt has not been kind to Holmes.
Author's Note: for the monthly prompt 'small moments of kindness' and for the Watson's Woes July Writing Prompts Amnesty #4: Around the World in 80 Days. Set your work in foreign parts.
“Ah!” sighed Holmes as he sank into the fragrant waters. “This is the only moment of happiness I’ve had the whole journey.”

I settled myself on a low stool at the head of the tub and said, “Egypt has not been kind to us.”

“To me, Watson,” Holmes amended as he cracked one eye and cast a sharp look in my direction. “You appear as dewy as a white lotus flower.”

“Soldier, remember?”

He grunted. “You shan’t include this case in your public chronicles.”

“No,” I admitted. “It didn’t have many features of interest.”

“Any!” cried Holmes as he leaned forward. “Be gentle.”

“Of course,” I said as I began to lather his shoulders and back. “It’s dreadful, this rash.”

“That blasted sand is everywhere! A menace far greater than the yellow fog!”

“And then, the sunburns.”

“Torture!”

“And the food does not agree with you.”

Holmes groaned. His head fell back into my hands, and I began to massage his scalp.

“That camel who spit on you.”

“Do not laugh, Watson.”

“No, of course not. Horrid creature. It hadn’t heard of your international reputation.”

Holmes snorted.

I dipped a cup into the bathwater and began to rinse his hair.

“And that monkey that frightened you on the boat and made you drop your pipe.”

“My best pipe! And a crocodile ate it!” Holmes moaned. “And the cream coloured suit, how it has suffered!”

I soaped his torso and arms, massaging as I went. “As soon as we return home, you’ll have a new suit made.”

“I am a man of place and time, Watson, and the place is London.”

“That’s not true, Holmes,” I said, dipping the sponge lower. “You’ve had great success outside of London.”

“Give me a heath! Give me a moor! Give me the East End, the West End, any end of the Thames! This Nile, bleh! No, Watson, I’m too miserable to entertain your attentions.”

“All right,” I said, shifting my stool to the side of tub. “Left leg, please.”

Holmes sighed again. He leaned back against the head of the tub and closed his eyes. Then he raised a leg; as I ran my soapy hands along it, I spotted a quivering dark strip in the water.

Moving slowly, I reached for the clever stick provided by the hotel attendant for just such an emergency.

“Close your eyes, Holmes, keep them closed, think of a cosy fire at 221B, a dinner at Simpson’s…”

SNAP!

I stood and lifted the asp out of the water as it frantically tried to free itself from the grip at the tip of the stick.

“I’m going to get the pumice stone, Holmes,” I said. “It’s in my portmanteau.”

“If you must,” he breathed.

I opened the window and tossed the snake into the night, then hurried back to Holmes’s side.

“Well, we leave at dawn,” I said.

“Hurrah!”

“And maybe there will be another small moment of happiness.”

“Like a clever murder on the train?”

“If we’re lucky.”

Comments

[debriswoman]

Very impressed with Watson’s cool response to the threat to bathing bliss:-p

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Yes, the last thing Holmes needed was a snake in the bath!

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Being spat at by a camel! Poor Holmes.

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Of all the indignities, that was the worst!

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

Oh, poor Holmes ^^" There was a fair amount of laughing from this reader though I'm afraid ^____^

It was that list of unfortunate occurrences getting worse and worse and worse, and then there suddenly being an asp in the bath to top it off ^____^ And the image of Watson effecting the capture and dispatch without letting Holmes know anything is wrong - it makes me grin so much ^___^

Perfect ending too ^___^


ETA: aaaand I've just got the pun in the title ^__^ I see Holmes did probably know after all...

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

It's fairly ambiguous, Holmes's knowledge of the asp. He may not realize and it may be a case of 'oh, bother, let Watson deal with the blasted thing.' Up to the reader.

Yes, I do love a great train murder.

[gardnerhill.livejournal.com]

Wasn't this the plot of THE ROAD TO MOROCCO with Bob Hope and Bing Crosby?

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

It's that goofy, yes.