Fic: By Gethsemane's Wall

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Title: By Gethsemane's Wall
Rating: Gen
Length: 500
Content Notes: Angst, POV Holmes
Alternate Link: on AO3
Summary: Holmes wrestles with himself after inviting Watson to flee with him.
Author's Note: Quotes from the Biblical book of Matthew Chapter 26, the scene of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. For the LJ Holmes_Minor monthly prompt: temptation


Here I am, slumped against the garden wall, sorrowful and very heavy. The cab for which I whistled has been sent away. I spare a glance for the house behind the wall behind me and an oath for the man inside that house.

‘Sleep on now, and take your rest.’

That my dear Watson may gather the reserves required for the arduous journey ahead of us. That he may be fresh for our rendezvous tomorrow and the many zigs and zags that will follow.

Damn!

I roll my face into the wall, then roll away, astonished to find the stone wet with tears.

I should not have asked him to accompany me!

In some, ‘the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak,’ but here, by this garden wall, it is the reverse. The flesh has been subjugated quite nicely; it is the spirit that refuses to be tamed.

My spirit yielded to temptation. My spirit surrendered to the desire to have my stalwart companion at my side as I stride into battle, no matter that the desire, the yielding will surely drive that companion—the best of all who bear such a name—directly and unnecessarily into harm’s way.

Pick one’s battles? What jest! I am choosing Watson’s for him. Even this evening’s visit and the knowledge I’ve imparted may endanger him.

But the succour of true friendship is a heady wine. I could not resist it. I could not resist enjoying a few more days beside my faithful Boswell.

As foreseen, he readily agreed to the request. That is Watson’s beauty: unshakable loyalty.

But I should not have drawn him into this. He has a wife! And patients who rely on him for their well-being! How selfish am I!

But Moriarty will not cease his campaign. I can elude him for only so long, and then we must confront one another directly. O, that he was any other criminal, clever, but petty!

I press my temple to the stone once more.

‘O, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me!’

But no. My enemy will not cease his pursuit until I am in my grave. Well, if so, then it will be two of us.

Two, but not three.
I shall not let Watson fall prey to this evil incarnate. I shall spare him that end, no matter the cost to me.

And his grief at my sacrifice? What of that cost?

He will be alive, that is all I vow. I would not enjoy a single breath free from anguish knowing I led him to an early death. And what of his anguish?

I shake my head.

Perhaps there is some route by which we might both survive together and Moriarty be felled?

For that, I, a stranger to prayer, will beg Providence.

I hear a cock crow and a voice deep inside me urging,

Go! The hour is at hand! And why not continue your prayers as, say, a venerable Italian priest?  

Comments

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Oh, I do like this. I like the allusions and the way you show Holmes' feelings.

Does this mean there will be an Easter return?

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Been a while since I wrote angsty Holmes.

I don't think the 3 years of the Hiatus was random, so yes, much symbolism there. I am going to try to do one more before the end of the month. Hate to end on a sad note.

[gardnerhill.livejournal.com]

Beautifully done and feels very true to the Holmes in the stories - he was a deeply spiritual man for all his brag of Victorian pragmatism.

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Thank you! He did evidence the conflict in SPEC (I think) about drawing Watson into danger and yet wanting him there, by his side. How much more would it be at this moment. Yes, the rose speech, VEIL, etc. More in the later stories, of course.

[gardnerhill.livejournal.com]

And by 3GAR he knows it's a lost cause: "I have a moral obligation to warn you of the danger ahead, but it will just strengthen your resolve. I should know my Watson by now."

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

I've just been admiring the discussion between you and gardnerhill ^_^ So many times I've read these stories, and yet there's always more to learn.

I think this is possibly the first ever ACD fic I've read that homes in on this moment - just after Holmes has left Watson. And it's so well done - so many excellent lines.

Just a few:

That he may be fresh for our rendezvous tomorrow and the many zigs and zags that will follow.

The flesh has been subjugated quite nicely; it is the spirit that refuses to be tamed.

But the succour of true friendship is a heady wine.

That is Watson’s beauty: unshakable loyalty.

And it's also an elegant lead into Holmes' later choice of disguise.

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

I think that's they're enduring quality: there's always more layers & parallels.

I thought about pre-visit, but I wanted him in the garden. Unfortunately, Watson sees him go over the wall, and he's not likely to hop back just to have a think. So a bit of a staging issue.

Thank you! I did like giving the priest more meaning than just a caricature disguise.

I hope to have one more trick up my sleeve before the end of the month.

[debriswoman]

Thought provoking, and an excellent choice of moment to expand upon
Well done:-)

[okapi1895.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!