Fic: Being the Best: A Landlady Above All Others

[smallhobbit]

Title: Being the Best: A Landlady Above All Others
Form/Word Count: 250
Characters/Pairing: Mrs Hudson, Mrs Turner
Rating: G
Warning/Content: Mrs Hudson and Mrs Turner have gone to a talk

Mrs Hudson and Mrs Turner had gone to listen to a talk entitled Being the Best: A Landlady Above All Others.  The speaker, a middle-aged man, had begun by outlining how to impress one’s tenants so that they were keen to remain.  Mrs Hudson privately thought Mr Holmes remained partly because he knew no-one else in the centre of London would have him, his reputation having been spread far and wide.

The speaker stressed the importance of providing an attractive tea table, with cups and saucers which always matched, and in the morning, having crockery which complemented the coffee pot.

“I doubt Mr Holmes would notice if I gave him a flowered cup with a striped saucer,” Mrs Hudson whispered to Mrs Turner.  “In fact, I know he wouldn’t, because when Bessie started she did that on more than one occasion.  And Dr Watson is simply happy to have a hot drink whenever he needs one.”

The speaker continued in a similar vein, completely oblivious to his audience shuffling in their seats.  Finally, he stopped and asked if anyone had any questions.

Mrs Hudson stood up.  “When confronted with an unwanted intruder, which would you recommend, the poker or the rolling pin?”

The speaker looked horrified.  “Dear lady, you should never confront anyone.  You must immediately retire to your own room, lock the door, and wait for a man to deal with the problem.”

The speaker then watched in complete confusion as half the audience stood up and walked out.