Fic: Being the Best: A Landlady Above All Others

[smallhobbit]

Title: Being the Best: A Landlady Above All Others
Form/Word Count: 250
Characters/Pairing: Mrs Hudson, Mrs Turner
Rating: G
Warning/Content: Mrs Hudson and Mrs Turner have gone to a talk

Mrs Hudson and Mrs Turner had gone to listen to a talk entitled Being the Best: A Landlady Above All Others.  The speaker, a middle-aged man, had begun by outlining how to impress one’s tenants so that they were keen to remain.  Mrs Hudson privately thought Mr Holmes remained partly because he knew no-one else in the centre of London would have him, his reputation having been spread far and wide.

The speaker stressed the importance of providing an attractive tea table, with cups and saucers which always matched, and in the morning, having crockery which complemented the coffee pot.

“I doubt Mr Holmes would notice if I gave him a flowered cup with a striped saucer,” Mrs Hudson whispered to Mrs Turner.  “In fact, I know he wouldn’t, because when Bessie started she did that on more than one occasion.  And Dr Watson is simply happy to have a hot drink whenever he needs one.”

The speaker continued in a similar vein, completely oblivious to his audience shuffling in their seats.  Finally, he stopped and asked if anyone had any questions.

Mrs Hudson stood up.  “When confronted with an unwanted intruder, which would you recommend, the poker or the rolling pin?”

The speaker looked horrified.  “Dear lady, you should never confront anyone.  You must immediately retire to your own room, lock the door, and wait for a man to deal with the problem.”

The speaker then watched in complete confusion as half the audience stood up and walked out.

Comments

[stonepicnicking_okapi]

Mrs. Hudson should give her own series of talks!

[smallhobbit]

She should, but she's got better ways to spend her time!

[acorn_squash]

The speaker, a middle-aged man, had begun by outlining how to impress one’s tenants so that they were keen to remain. Mrs Hudson privately thought Mr Holmes remained partly because he knew no-one else in the centre of London would have him.

Quite right! :D

[smallhobbit]

Thank you!

[gardnerhill]

Snort!!!

Oh, I've gone to this "talk" - or a version of it - at my own work. For Secretary's Day they brought in some pampered poodle of a Nordstrom's employee, the kind of older woman who had the job only because she was bored staying at home spending Hubby's money; she told a bunch of plain-dressed family-supporting government secretaries how to Dress For Success using her store's super-expensive accessories. (I was so annoyed by that woman that I stopped by Sears on the way home and bought 2 dresses and two tops for the cost of ONE of her stupid little "accessories.")

[smallhobbit]

Thank you. Yes, it's so often the people who can sail above normal life who believe they can tell those who are in the midst of it how they should live. But congratulations on the purchases!

[gardnerhill]

Thanks. One of them was my favorite top for literal decades. Served me much better stead than that poodle's blue-rock-on-a-shoelace that was the $75 "accessory."

[scfrankles]

Ah, yes. A talk about being a landlady given by a man. Obviously he'll know more about it than mere landladies themselves. *rolls eyes* Full marks to him for the engaging title though ^__^

[smallhobbit]

It would be interesting to hear a talk by his own landlady - there may be a few discrepancies!