[identity profile] okapi1895.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] holmes_minor
Title: Overdose
Rating: Gen
Length: 300
Notes: Crack, Holmes & Watson, dialogue only
Summary: Holmes suffers an overdose on a hot summer’s day.
Author’s Note: Inspired by this cracky tumblr, which has Victorian suggestions (e.g., wax lachrymose, be indisposed, tighten your corset, etc.).


“Holmes?”

“Go away. I’m indisposed.”

“No, you’re on the sofa, looking soft-boiled.”

“Oh, it’s you, Watson. Oh, I’ve such a delicate constitution!”

“Holmes, what in heaven’s name are you doing?”

“Waxing lachrymose.”

“Oh, carry on. I’m waxing, too, melting, that is. It’s frightfully hot.”

“Might I die of consumption, Watson?”

“Hmm. Probability’s low, but speaking of, have you eaten today?”

“Shall I ring for tea? Or call for my smelling salts?”

“Tea? Much better to ring for ice and fans, but if you’d like tea, I can go downstairs and ask Mrs. Hudson nicely. Ringing’s unlikely to get you anything but your name cursed out of earshot. Smelling salts? No. How about a medicinal brandy?”

“Tighten my corset, Watson.”

“You’re not wearing one.”

“Is that why I’m unable to have fainting fits? Or heave my bosoms?”

“Uh, yes.”

“What shall I do, Watson? Crime-solving is too taxing. Shall I become a governess—“

“Woe to your pupils. Hurrah for those criminal classes which are not your pupils.”

“—or marry a wealthy man, those are my only options.”

“Oh, I don’t know. You could marry your cousin.”

“I’ve none.”

“Too bad. Let’s see. You could have an affair with an actress? Or yield to the seduction of a rake?”

“The latter sounds more promising.”

“Yes, indeed.”

“Shall I walk upon the moor and hear a strange sound in the night?”

“I believe we’ve already covered that. Listen, here, Holmes—wait, how many novels are under the sofa?”

“It’s hot, Watson.”

“How many did you read? Good Lord, Holmes!”

“Frightfully hot.”

“Some of these are too treacly, even for me. Well, I suppose there’s nothing for it. There’s only one remedy for this particular ailment.”

“Summer in Brighton?”

“Summer in Brighton. I’ll pack.”

“Oh, don’t forget all my parasols for dropping.”
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