I have made all my preparations
And drunk a bottle of gin
I've listened to all the instructions
And I'm waiting my turn to begin

A quick push and I've started
Although maybe not at a run
I'm slithering and sliding
My journey has now begun

I'm twisting and I'm turning
It's not as hard as I thought
A bit like avoiding the bailiffs
When my money is being sought

I've reached the last few turnings
And I've made it over the final crest
I doubt that I'll be with the leaders
But no-one can say I haven't given my best

I've glided over the finish
And crashed right into a judge
It's his own fault, he saw me coming
He shouldn't have refused to budge

But we're all going for a celebration
Because I completed the Cresta Run
So pop a cork on the champagne
The drinking has begun